Why Is Sex Talk Awkward?

This post is obviously about sex.  Lately, my Facebook feed has been full of pseudo-inspiring pictures talking about what real men and real women act like in a real relationship.  I've done a post already on why we should stop the slut shaming and double standard, but this one is about both genders.  In this post, I'm going to try not to bash religion too much, but its hard to talk about sex without talking about how much religion distorts sexuality.

I know that people like to talk about how special sex is, but it's not very often we ask why we think that.  It's been ingrained in us since before puberty.  Between abstinence-only education and no comprehensive sex education, we heard a lot about why we should wait until marriage to have sex, but it's been shown that between 90 and 95% of people don't wait.  Maybe they waited until they found someone special to do it with, but I remember back to my seventh and eighth grade abstinence classes (yes, I had two classes that told me not to have sex).  I also remember them giving surveys out before and after the class that asked, among other things, when we planned to have sex.  I very distinctly remember people around me afterwards talking about how they lied and said, on the survey, they planned to wait until they were either married or found someone special.  I know that I'm usually pretty against anecdotal arguments, so I want to be clear that I'm not using this as an argument or premise, but rather it's where my questioning began.

What was it that made these kids lie?  Why did they think it was necessary to lie on an anonymous survey?  Obviously, if you've read any of my other blog entries, you'll be able to guess where my first guess will be place:  Religion.  I participated in a research project in my senior undergraduate class that found that as people become more conservative or fundamental with religion, their level of support for offering birth control and comprehensive sex education to teenagers decreases.  It's also already known that the more conservative the religion is, the more guilt is present.  I'll let you draw your own conclusion for why you think that is.

Religious guilt aside, and there's a lot of guilt tied up in the pews, my generation grew up in an environment that didn't talk about sex.  There was no formal education in schools, and in Arkansas at least, adults didn't really talk about sex with kids.  There was always this catch-22 where parents didn't want to talk to their kids about the birds and bees, but they didn't want the schools interfering.  I remember a King of the Hill episode about this exact topic.  You might remember it as this episode.  Do click the link, it's hilarious.  Now, I do want to point out that when practicing saying the names of organs, Peggy includes the uvula, which is not a sex organ.  For those of you who don't know, that's the little dangly thing that's in the back of your throat.  What I think is really interesting in that clip is that she's the one teaching sex ed.  I don't know if it was an intentional thing or if the producers or whoever honestly did not know that the uvula is very, very above the waist, but I think my point is still made.  Adults, whether fictional or not, don't know basic human anatomy.

I've talked to a good amount of my friends about what kind of sex education they got from their schools and parents.  Most of them said it was pretty awkward to hear it from their parents.  I, too, almost had an awkward sex talk, but luckily (or unluckily, I guess) I already knew most of the basics, so I got to duck out early.  It was awkward while it lasted, though.  Why, though, is it we feel uncomfortable discussing sex?  Why are those of us who attempt to openly talk about this topic called perverts?  I think the answer to the second question there is answered by the first one.  The first one can be answered by what I've been saying this whole time, I think.

First, we aren't knowledgeable enough about our own anatomy and physiology.  People are scared of what we don't understand.  I'm an example of this.  I used to fear certain sounds in the dark, but then I learned what made them!  Poof.  Fear gone.  I think sex is the same.  A lot of people don't understand that sex isn't something inherently evil.  It has dangers, yes.  Most things do, but sex is also natural.  The desires and urges?  Natural.  The awkward, random erections we guys get?  However unpleasant they may be when they happen in class right before you're asked to solve a math problem on the board, (am I right, guys?) they happen, and they're normal.

Second, we've been taught not to talk about sex.  The only thing my generation needed to know about sex was not to do it, talk about it, or think about it.  This one is the most egregious things about the entire topic.  Don't think about sex?  Don't think about a biological urge I have!?  Oh, no, Mr. Politician and Preacher, I'll think about sex when I do.  I'll also think about being hungry when I am.  You see a sign that says "Wet Paint, Don't Touch."  What do you do?  You touch it, because you're curious.  In hindsight, I just realized that's a perfect analogy for the topic, but moving on.  Thought crime legislation is one of the most grotesque ideas I've ever heard, and it's being applied to our children.

Not Atypical

It's time to stop this.  Telling someone what to think is wrong.  It's not really possible to enforce, but that doesn't stop us from trying.  My Facebook feed is full of a second kind of picture:  The children of people I went to high school with.  The people who were in junior high while I was in high school.  Unplanned pregnancies followed by engagements followed by marriage (sometimes) followed by breaking up or divorcing.  We like to talk a big game, it seems, about how sacred and holy marriage is, but how many of us actually think that?

Sex, we were told, is something for a married couple.  Marriage, we were told, is supposed to be a lifelong commitment.    How's that working out for my age group?  With these definitions, and the statistic I put up earlier, we can determine that roughly 90% of us aren't monogamous in that since.  We say we're serial monogamists when we talk to people, but even still, many people aren't.

I think it's high time we left this nonsense behind.  It's time to start educating people about the human body and it's natural urges.  You know what this silence on sex has given us?  We have a teen pregnancy rate that is four times the rate in The Netherlands.  It's three times the rate of France's and Germany's.  The difference is that in those other countries, sex is talked about openly.  It's not something to shy away from.  Sex is understood there, and taught to everyone so they can make an informed decision.

I beg you to imitate Europe here.  Please, everyone.  Teach your children about their bodies.  Do not shame them.  You see what America has become.  Let's stop this.