Boobs, Sluts, and Double Standards

***This blog is more of an explanation on how I think.  My last few have been information-type blogs, but this is almost purely opinion***

I've always been confused by the double standard.  You know, the idea that guys are encouraged to sleep around, but girls are shamed for it? Guys aren't supposed to be gay, right?  So, how do guys sleep around without willing girls?  Obviously, I'm being sarcastic here.  Of course there are guys with conservative values who think that sex before marriage is wrong, same for girls.  There are girls who say that they should be able to have sex with anyone, anytime, provided it's consensual, same for guys.  My point is that people are complex.  No two people are exactly alike.  Yeah, I know, you've heard that since kindergarten.

It wasn't until about my junior year of college, or maybe my second sophomore semester, that I really was brought into the feminist world.  I'd always held the stereotype that feminists were the radically anti-men types, but being raised in Harrison, AR with no TV except local channels, how was I to know better?  When I say local channels, I mean my options were FOX and KY3.  I'm sure there are people reading this who can understand my ignorance.  But, enough defending my former views, let's get back to college!  I took a class called Sociology of Gender.  Honestly, I had some serious concerns about being a male in a class on gender that was taught by a female.  I was worried it was going to be a man-bashing class.  I'm not ashamed of that view, because I didn't know any better, but let me say that if I could go back and take a class over, it would be this one.  It absolutely was not a man-bashing class.  I learned a lot of cool, useful things in my other classes.  I learned about how drugs affect the brain, how black lights work, and I learned about how Aristotle's ethical ideas of moderation were strongly influenced by the Pythagoreans' rule to avoid stepping to far from your center.  But, Sociology of Gender is the first class where I found myself actually stirred by something.  I learned how as a straight, white, Christian male, one is given privilege without knowing it.  Of course, I'm not a Christian, but I'm still straight and white, so 2/3 majority rules:  I'm privileged.  This class, though, made me open my eyes to a problem that I didn't even know existed.  I never noticed the advantages I have and, by extension, never noticed the disadvantage that women have.  (If, by some odd chance, the professor of that class reads this, thank you for teaching it.)  Now, I'll freely admit this:  I probably won't ever understand what it feels like to be the under privileged person.  I'll never, as a white guy, understand what it's like to hear the "n" word, either.  But, I can try.   I do try.  As I said at the beginning of this post, the double standard has always confused me.  I've always been uncomfortable with it, but I've never been able to put my finger on the reason it made me squirmy.  As of right now, I still don't have a solid answer, but by the end of this post, maybe I will.

I've always been a bigger fan of psychology than sociology.  I like the mystery of how individual people think, rather than the monotonous mob mentality, but I think that society is the real culprit behind the double standard.  Boys grow up, to be conquistadors.  Girls, not so much.  I know that, growing up in a Baptist church, I constantly was hearing about abstinence, and why sex is bad, but when I would spend time with my dad's male friends, I would catch snippets of conversation talking about how "if I catch a boy in my daughter's room..." or the good ol' "I'm gonna bring my daughter's boyfriend into my man cave and let him see my gun collection" or, and this is my personal favorite, "My daughter doesn't get to date until she's xx years old!" While his son was 14 and had a girl in his room as we spoke!  This never ceased to amaze me!  I was given condoms when I was 15, but my younger sister wasn't "allowed" to date until she was 16.  Even my favorite TV show at the time, King of the Hill, made mention of the double standard.  So, what is it that causes this!?  If you follow anything I write, you'll probably guess my first thought is religion.  Well, you're right, but that's not what I want to harp on right now.  What I want to talk about is feminism from my point of view, not from a male's point of view, but mine.

Now, I've never liked that word. Feminist. It still has that connotation of man-hating-rawr girl to me, but that's probably leftover from my younger days.  I know that feminists aren't all like that, but I'm stuck with that connotation for the time being.  Whatever.  I've always said that I don't buy into the "women's rights" kind of thing, because I prefer the idea of human rights.  Regardless of what I prefer, though, the word "feminist" does encompass how I feel about women, so yes, I'm a feminist.  No shame.  But, what does that mean to me?  Feminism, to me, means that women are men's equals.  I admit that humans are slightly sexually dimorphic, but besides that, we're generally equals.  Since this is a blog about the double standard, I'm going to skip all the information about spatial reasoning, cognition, math, language, etc.  

It's cool for guys to sleep around.  We all watch TV, read books, watch movies, etc., but I want to talk about some interesting things I've heard.  I work in an environment with nothing but men.  Often, the conversation is led by a guy, now married, who spent time in the US Army.  The stories he tells are sometimes funny, occasionally scary, and other times downright cruel.  According to him, if you're in the army and have a girlfriend, the other guys will constantly talk about how she's back home getting laid by someone else.  Regardless of how strong your trust for your girlfriend is, you're probably going to doubt her.  This leads to their encouragement to try and have sex with a girl next time you're allowed out.  They're planting the idea that because you're girlfriend might be promiscuous, you should too.  Just in case.  On the other hand, my coworker says that girls do just the opposite in the army.  They police each other.  If a girl has a boyfriend back home, they try to prevent her from having sex or shame her if she does.

An interesting thing to note here is the blame is on the female, regardless.  The guy cheats on his girlfriend as preemptive revenge.  The girl is watched like a hawk and shamed to prevent her from cheating.  She is the culprit.  It has been argued that religious guilt plays a massive role in why people cheat, but I think generic guilt is just as bad.  There are people who think that looking at another person with lust is wrong all the time. There are people who think that looking lustfully at someone is wrong when you're in a relationship.  To these people, I ask the question, "Why?"  Most of the time, when this issue comes up, I see two things.

1. Men are encouraged to be shirtless.  But only if they have a six pack. 
2. Girls, if your shorts are a centimeter too short, you better put your ass away, slut.

Totally Acceptable on Facebook

And that brings me to the point of this blog.  Girls, please stop shaming each other.  Stop judging based on clothes, especially if you're a feminist.  This picture:

Evil Boobies

Needs to stop. 

First, I want to draw a parallel between this kind of thinking, and the kind of thinking that goes on in the Middle East.  This automatically implies that the female body is supposed to be something to be covered at all times.  Second, I saw a few instances of this picture being posted, directly before or after that picture of  Tatum being "liked."  If you did this, you're promoting the double standard.  Third, I don't know a single girl who does not own a revealing shirt.  More importantly, I've personally seen a revealing shirt several of the girls who posted this picture!  Fourth, and least importantly, that self-satisfied smirk in the bottom-right picture just irritates me to no end.  

Posting this kind of stuff is detrimental to the feminist movement, in my opinion.  To me, it says that your boobs are something to be ashamed of, but why are they?  I know plenty of girls who prefer a t-shirt and jeans.  No one is bothered by that.  I know plenty of girls who prefer to wear nice, business-like clothes.  That's cool, too!  Guys, too.  Except I go to the gym, and I see guys walking around without a shirt sometimes.  No one is bothered by that.  I remember I was once at the gym and a girl was on the elliptical in the farthest corner in basketball shorts and a sports bra.  That sports bra showed no boobage.  No cleavage.  Nothing.  You could see her stomach.  I actually heard a girl say to another girl, "Did you see that girl in a bra back there? She needs to put some clothes on!"  Some people might chalk that up to her being jealous of a "better" body, but I say it doesn't matter the reason.  The girl on the elliptical was breaking no rules.  She was covered, except her arms, stomach, and calves.  Big whoop.  

If you're uncomfortable dressing in clothes that might be inappropriate in church, don't dress like that.  That's your choice, but don't try to call another girl out for choosing to wear what she likes; we have decency laws for a reason.  I understand that not everyone may want to see someones cleavage, but maybe not everyone wants to see my plain black shirt that says "I Shaved My Balls for This?"  Girls, by posting this, you're perpetuating the guilt cycle that needs to end.  Telling someone they should be hide his or her body is not your call.  It's their body.  Let them do as they will.