I Went to Church

On Christmas Eve, I had to take a client from work to church for midnight communion.  I had the option of dropping her off or staying through the service; I chose the latter.  I have to say it was a lovely service.  As we walk in, the first thing I notice is the building itself. The building is beautiful. The vaulted ceilings are nothing short of impressive, which I suspect is to give the churchgoers a humbling experience.  Moving on through what I suppose we could call an entrance hall, we are greeted by a polite man handing out bulletins and candles in cups.  My candle was bent, probably due to sitting in a box for a full year.  We then enter the sanctuary, which is stunning.  It's enormous.  Two PowerPoint screens high on the wall, which is a pale golden color in the light, make hymns easier to sing, I suppose.  Red poinsettias are plentiful, which contrasted nicely with the gold of the walls, which have some nice looking wood carvings set into them.  The carvings were interesting.  They were a cross, naturally, but you know those optical tricks that ask you how many triangles there are, but as you look, more and more pop out?  That's what these carvings did.  All in all, the sheer building itself is a bit awe inspiring.  It isn't hard to see how some people might mistake that for the presence of a Holy Spirit. Or Jesus.  Or God.  Or somehow all three.

Like this, but with Bronze Age torture devices.

As we take our seats, the pastor gives a welcoming speech.  He's not a bad orator, overall.  His voice is lovely.  It's the kind of voice that a child might enjoy reading a bedtime story.  His accent was off, however.  I couldn't quite place where it was from, and that distracted me.  His welcome speech was nice.  It had draw to it, which I suspect is part of why the church was so large.  Once his welcome was over, the congregation stood and sang "Joy to the World." Even an atheist such as myself must appreciate the church music.  The song is lively and harmonious.  I'm sure, to believers especially, the lyrics are powerful, but I find them silly.  "Joy to the world! The lord is come?"  I'm sure the lord is considered many things, but somehow I suspect come is not one of those things.  Anyway, moving on to "The Lighting of the Christ Candle." This was, appallingly, done by high school seniors.  It was wild to see the conviction on these young ladies' faces as they took part in the symbolic ritual.  I always wonder, as I'm sitting in the pews, how many people believe and how many are there out of routine or societal pressure.  Here, with these girls, there was no question.  The reverence on their faces was apparent to me even in the back of the church.  With that devotion to the church and its teachings, it makes me wonder how educated they are in science and their own holy book.

Following the Christ candle bit, a female pastor read their Old Testament lesson.  I found that interesting, because of so many Christians I've seen denounce the parts of the Old Testament that they dislike as being what it is: Old.  Of course, if the person likes a particular book, chapter, or verse, then it's applicable.  The excerpt the lady pastor chose tonight was Isaiah 9:2-7:

"2. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. 3. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. 4. For as the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. 5. Every warriors boots used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. 6.  For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end.  He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.  The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."

The language of the bible is always telling of its true intention.  This is a prime example.  It speaks of hope and a new order of peace, but the underlying message is still that the people will be slaves.  "...upholding it with justice...." the text says.  Let's not forget that this king of kings is the very same who orders the killing of gays, adulterers, and so on.  Let's not forget that this prince of peace is the same entity who casts people into eternal torture for insignificant and arbitrary rules.  Of course, it's always to remember that regardless of how grotesque the Old Testament teachings are, it's not until this gentle lamb of god comes that we hear of eternal damnation.  But, I digress.  The lady pastor chose this passage, probably because it sounds superficially inspiring.  Following this, there was special music sung by two very talented siblings.  They sang and harmonized very well.  I was impressed.

Once the special music was finished, the male pastor started telling his version of Jesus' birth.  Before he started, however, he explained that he pretty much said the same thing on Christmas and Easter year after year.  His reason was that it's such a powerful story that it need not change.  The pastor did caution people, though.  He warned that no matter how powerful a message is, it loses strength with each telling.  He suggested that every time they hear the story of Christ's birth, they take pause to let the message fully sink in. I heartily agree with him, because it allows for the holes in the story to become apparent.  To put what I mean into clearer words, I need only to move forward with the service.

The pastor explained that he would only be reading from the books of Luke and Matthew.  To a believer, this may seem reasonable.  These two are the most concise and inspiring versions of the story, a believer may say.  They're absolutely right.  The virgin birth isn't present in the other two Canonical Gospels of the New Testament!  It seems like that should wave red flags to a reader.  The most important event in human history and the four gospels don't agree on the events? No matter, since Luke focuses on Mary and Matthew focuses on Joseph.  The pastor reads Luke 2:1-20 and Matthew 2:1-11:

Luke 2:1-20 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.  2. This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3.  And everyone went to their own town to register. 4.  So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5.  He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6.  While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.  She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.  8.  And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  11. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  12.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  13.  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14"Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."  15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethelehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." 16. So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

 So, let's just recap before moving onto the next excerpt.  A bunch of shepherds, the lowest of the low, go to the people and just claim that some kid is a savior?  And they believe the shepherds?  Furthermore, is Joseph really that daft?  His wife comes to him and says she's knocked up.  An angel told her that it was the son of god.  Wait, no.  The authors of the bible have a clever loophole.  Another angel comes to tell Joseph that his wife has been impregnated by God.  Isn't that convenient? No, I'm terribly sorry.  This story absolutely reeks of adultery and a lie to cover it up.  Again, I digress.  Moving onto the excerpt from Matthew:

"Matthew 2:1-11 After jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east come to Jerusalem 2 and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?  We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him." 3 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 When he had called together all the people's chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 "In Bethlehem in Judea," they replied, "for this is what the prophet has written: But you, in Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel. 7 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared.  8 He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and search carefully for the child.  As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him."  9 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 

 Again, the language here is telling.  To say that a ruler, a king no less, is going to make a journey just to bow down to a child is a truly humbling thought.  I digress again.  These were the two sections of the bible chosen for the service.  During the reading, a church member was silently lighting candles.  Each candle was meant to represent a person.  Each shepherd had a candle.  Each "wise man" had one, along with Mary, Joseph, and so on.  It was fascinating, because I could feel people being sucked in.  Call it intuition or what-have-you, but it's easy to understand people mistaking that feeling for the Holy Spirit.

Once these two readings were done, the congregation sang "O Come All Ye Faithful."  This time, more people joined in, but of course that's a great excuse for a person to exclaim, "Oh, well naturally!  That's the Holy Spirit moving people in praise!"  There is, of course, a simpler, more reasonable explanation.  People just get less self-conscious.  You know, like in junior high school dances.  Remember how people would stand around the edges of the gym at the start, awkwardly eyeing each other?  Then, that one couple bites the bullet and starts dancing?  Let's not pretend that things are more complex than they are.  People just loosen up over time.

I'll grant religion that the music it has produced has been rather nice, so I was a little sad when the song ended, and the pastor began reading scripture again.  This time, he chose Luke 2:1-5:

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was the governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their town to register. 4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of Davit. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

Now, isn't it interesting here? Let's look at the timeline.  Matthew 2:1 expresses that Jesus was born in the days of Herod the king.  Luke 1:5 expresses the same thing.  But, wait.   Herod the Great died in the year 4 BCE!  So, which is wrong?  History or the bible?  Well, in the case of Christ's birth, let's look again at the words the pastor spoke.  "...census that took place while Quirinius was the governor of Syria."  That's fascinating to me, because according to other, more accurate sources than the bible, Quirinius didn't become governor of Syria until the year 6 CE!  In addition, there is no mention of any Augustan census by any Roman historian, but the Jewish chronicler Josephus mentions one that did occur.  The catch is that it did not have the requirement for people to return to their places of birth, and it was six years after the birth of Jesus is supposed to ahve taken place.  No matter, historical accuracy must not have been important to the people who wrote the most important books of the Christian bible, so it is easy to ignore, which the congregation gladly does out of ignorance or apathy.  They then join together again for song.  This time, the choice is "O Little Town of Bethlehem," which I must admit was a new one to me.  I'd either never heard it or paid enough attention as a child.  The song was alright, but it doesn't resonate like some of the other songs, which is fine.  The pastor took to the pulpit again once the voices subsided to read Luke 2:6-7 to pick up where he left off:

"6 And so it was that while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn."

Now, again, something strikes me as odd.  What kind of inn would turn down a woman who was basically crowning?  Perhaps if that woman was known to be carrying an illegitimate child.  Let's not forget the historical context the Old Testament suggests.  Adulterous women should be punished at the very least.  Another bit of language that fascinates me is present in the passage, though.  "...and she brought forth her firstborn son."  Firstborn.  I have to wonder what life was like for her other sons, having a "Messiah" as a sibling and whatnot.  No matter for the congregation, again.  They move on to sing the famous "Away in a Manger," followed shortly thereafter by the single verse Luke 2:8:

"8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field keeping watch over their flock by night."

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why the single verse was spoken.  It seems utterly unimportant.  Shepherds, by their very name, keep watch over flocks at night.  Surely, I wasn't the only person in the pews to wonder the significance of that particular verse, but my thoughts were interrupted by the congregation singing "The First Noel," which was a lovely song.  Once finished, however, the pastor recited a much lengthier block of scripture from Luke 2:9-14:

"9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 10 And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' 13 And suddenly there was with the angle a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 14 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"

Now, I remember in high school how fast word spread of pregnant classmates.  Not only did I hear about them in my own school, but I heard about pregnancies from counties over.  It doesn't seem unreasonable to me that word of an unmarried, adolescent girl claiming to be carrying an immaculately conceived child would spread across the land.  "Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes...."  Yes, naturally.  That's what children are covered with after birth.  Hardly a revelation.  Now, the rest of that is obviously utter hogwash and inconsistent.  For example, the idea that Jesus was born to spread peace is one that is sometimes true and sometimes not, depending on the cherry-picked verses.  The congregation seemingly doesn't mind the inconsistencies, but again, I digress.  Now, the church comes alive in song.  "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" is sung.  I don't know about you, but I absolutely love this song.  I think it's extraordinarily pretty.  Though, as a child, I remember my cousin accusing me of singing the parody "Hark! The herald angels sing, 'Glory to the goober king!'" which is still funny to me.  Once the crowd quiets from singing about their goober king, whatever that means, Luke 2:15-17 is recited:

"15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, 'Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord has made unto us.' 16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. 17 And when they had seen it, they made it known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child."

Okay, wait.  Let me translate that incredibly formal, stiff conversation.  "Hey, bros, let's go to Bethlehem and see this 'kid' that is supposed to be our savior."  Then, they get there and see an ordinary child, they (without getting evidence according to the bible) leave and tell everyone that the child is the son of the Jewish god. One might take the time to point out to me that if the angel told them to go there, and they did and see exactly what the angel said, that would be proof.  Okay, fair point.  Let's get some outside stories corroborating the story.  Please bring me the written story by one of the shepherds.  I'll wait.  In the meantime, let's get back to business!  The pastor stopped reciting scripture, and the congregation sang "Go Tell It on the Mountains," which is another rather fun song.  Following the music, the pastor then read his final piece of scripture dealing with the famous wise men, Matthew 2:1-11:

"1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem. 2 Saying, 'Where is he that is born King of the Jews? For we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.' 3 When Herod the king had heard these things, he was trouble, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born. 5 And they said unto him, 'In Bethlehem of Judea: for thus it is written by the prophet, 6 and thou Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of thee shall come a Governor that shall rule my people in Israel.'  7 Then Herod, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what time the star appeared. 8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, 'Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.' 9 When they had heard the king, they departed, and lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was. 10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy. 11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary and his mother, and fell down, and worshiped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense  and myrrh."

Now, we've already addressed the issue of the chronological context of Christ's supposed birth, so I'm particularly interested in Matthew 2:2, which as you see above, expresses the idea that they followed the stars.  Let's don't forget Isaiah 47:13-14, which explicitly condemns astrologists.  Additionally, we can't ignore Deuteronomy 18:10-12, which does similarly.  A believer can reconcile these inconsistencies by pointing out that Jesus came to abolish the old law, which is (to anyone who has read the Christian bible) absolutely incorrect.  It always fascinates me, as someone who studies psychology, how very easily the authors of the bible catered the New Testament to the prophesies of the Old Testament, yet blatantly ignore the laws set forth by the OT.

Moving passed the scripture reading, the pastor gave his very short sermon, which was titled "Good News of Great Joy." It was more or less a rehash of the scripture readings of the whole night, and I won't bore you with the details.  Following that, was the communion or the sharing of the bread and up, which was, of course, the symbolic cannibalism that many Christians groups partake in.  I declined to eat the bread and drink the "wine" in order to observe the ritual.  The people went on their knees in front of the pulpit, and the pastor stood above them.  Of course, this creates a feeling of submission in those on their knees.  The pastor handed them a piece of bread and passed a single cup of "wine" down the row.  I found that to be rather gross.  People dipping their dirty fingers into a cup and eating soggy bread is not my thing.  Once everyone had their fill of metaphorical skin and blood, the pastor led the congregation in the prayer of hope:

"O almighty God, by the birth of your holy child Jesus, you gave us a great light to dawn on our darkness. Grant that in Christ's light, we may see light.  Bestow upon us that most excellent Christmas gift of love to all people, so that the likeness of your Son may be formed in us, and that we may have the ever brightening hope of everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior.  Amen."

 During the prayer, I unashamedly did not bow my head.  It was at that point, I looked around and made eye contact with another guy who wasn't praying. We acknowledged each other and had a gratifying head nod towards each other.  But let's talk about that prayer.  "Bestow upon us that most excellent Christmas gift of love to all people...." I wonder if that extends towards all those condemned by Christianity.  I wonder if these Christians have taken the time to send a letter or email or even make a quick phone call to the Catholics in Illinois who are fighting against homosexuality, because they say it isn't possible for two men to love each other.  Do they "love the sinner, but hate the sin?"

See, I've touched on the immorality of Christianity in other posts, but this is a whole new topic.  The idea that Christianity can actually demean love. In Sunday school, Christianity begins by telling small children extraordinary stories of creation and life before the "fall."  It offers a glimpse of "perfect" life, of "perfect" love, and of someone who created you to care for you endlessly.  Even if that love comes with a price.  To any bible-believing Christian, the ideal view of love is and always will be God and his love for his creation.  This love is obviously not flawless in that you face infinite punishment for finite offenses.

Now, the prayer above does have a qualifier in it.  "....that we may have the ever brightening hope of everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior."  Yes, let's talk about this savior.  He absorbed all of humanities sin, if I am not mistaken.  What does that mean?  Christ took the punishment for those people who believe he did.  I don't know how people see that as moral.  Is it ethical to believe that if I murder or rape someone, another person could serve my sentence?  On the surface, it might seem reasonable that if someone makes the conscious decision to take my punishment, then that person is free to do so.  Fair enough!  The problem lies with the corollary: Is it ethical to let me, a hypothetical murderer, free on the grounds that an innocent man wants to take my place?  I'll let you, the reader, decide.  In the meantime, we're going to move on to the closing part of the service.

After that prayer was finished, the pastor lit a candle and passed the flame to other members of the church.  This was a symbol of receiving and spreading the "Light of the World to the world."  I have to say, it was very interesting from a psychological standpoint.  Everyone is in the dark with nearly no light save for the candles, and we get to watch that light grow.  Very inspiring to a believer, I would imagine.  After the everyone's candle was lit, the congregation sang "Silent Night" by candlelight.  I can imagine how inspiring it would have been to hear that song while seeing the candlelight exponentially grow, but from a safety standpoint, it probably wouldn't have been smart to sing while passing fire.  I suppose God doesn't protect his house from burning.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.  I went to church.  It was extremely fascinating to me, but ultimately like a magic show after learning how the tricks are done.  The fear-mongering sadism and the inspirational masochism loses its touch once a person realizes what is going on.  Maybe I'll go to another church one of these days, but I don't think anything will change unless the core principles of Christianity change.